Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
