Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
