Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
