shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize