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why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
