She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
