we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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