god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize