he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
