"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
