i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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