You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
