My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
