Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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