I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He? As in you personified your dick?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
