So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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