I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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