i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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