Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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