My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
