Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
