i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
