I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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