i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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