I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
