Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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