im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
