Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
