now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize