You just made me feel so damn special
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize