i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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