We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
