i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
