Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
