he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
