In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize