Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize