uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
