He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
