were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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