trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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