...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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