Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
