he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
