I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
