I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize