I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
