Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
