your room smells of hookers.
And success
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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