I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
