Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
