Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
