sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
