My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
