Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
