either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
