Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
