I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
