time to smoke my breakfast
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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