This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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