On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
