shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
...so i touched it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
