but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
