he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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