That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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