Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
