I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
