Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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